Conviction

I both love and hate those moments where God speaks so clearly to me that I am left in awe.

Tonight he unearthed something that I swore I would never tell another living soul, and let me know I wasn't the only one who ever had that issue. Not going to talk about it here, because I still haven't said even a syllable to anyone and don't know if I will any time soon, but yeah... I got the message. Everything secret will be revealed if I truly seek to follow Him.

And then maybe two hours later He smacked me in the face with the very real realization that I am burying my painful past once again. In all honesty, God has been bringing up person after person after person who has gone through what I have gone through... just in this past semester alone. I think that's significant.

But how to deal with it? Earlier this semester I did some inner healing prayer with Emily and Regina, which was very, very healing. It is by no means done, but it has been a long while since we've had our last session, and I believe I am in need again. Tomorrow I am meant to help lead an inner healing session for another with a similar issue to my own, but I fear some of my own issues will come up if they haven't been dealt with. Hmm.

I know you're probably wondering about what "painful past" I am a referring to. It both is and is not a secret at the moment. I'm choosing not to publish it publicly at the moment right now, for reasons I do not wish to get into. But neither is it a secret, and if you ever want to know or wish to ask, I will share. I know you have your suspicions.

Sorry if this is somewhat jumbled and incomprehensible. That's kind of my mind tonight.