Finding a major... applying to grad schools... job searching... getting married... having children... everything is focused on getting to the next point in life.
I understand that mentality all too well.
But sometimes, it gets really tiring. I get tired of sharing details about my plans for the future with people, because the fact of the matter is that life is incredibly uncertain at this phase in my life. My plans change rapidly, and I get tired of forcibly boxing myself into a position.
I know what I am going to do with my future. I'm going to become a midwife, and I'm going to marry Nate. It's the details that are unclear.
Lately I've had several people ask me when Nate and I are getting married. I've taken to answering, "I don't know... why?" with a big, somewhat false smile on my face. That usually shuts people up pretty quickly. I can't do that all the time, obviously. It can be taken as rude... so I also answer vaguely, "Oh, after school..." It's possible that a bunch of people now think we're getting married right after I graduate in spring 2012 -- I don't really feel the urge to correct them anymore. Life is unpredictable, and should be enjoyed moment-by-moment while looking to the future, instead of constantly pushing yourself to the next phase of life while missing out on the lessons of the present.
The same goes with school. I am constantly being asked about what I am going to do after I graduate. "Oh, go to graduate school..." is my general reply. I am hesitant to share details of my plans, because truth be told, I am not certain of my path. I know I want to be a midwife, but there are many paths to that point. I know the path I'm currently pursuing, but my mind is more than open to the many other paths available. I'm hoping that the Midwifery Today conference will help me out in that respect as well -- I'll get to learn more about the various paths and meet the people who have taken them.
And then, of course, there's the inevitable fact that my midwifery goals and my relationship goals go very much hand-in-hand. If I have to go out of the area for grad school, Nate and I aren't going to be getting married right away. If I stay in the area... who knows. The same could go for him.
In a nutshell, I really wish people would value the beauty of the moment instead of just the lure of the future. Both are important -- and they should be balanced. My worth is not measured by my marital status or by my career goals -- I wish others would recognize that!
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