Life Update.

Yeah, I said I was going to update. I lied.

Life has become incredibly busy. I'm making more adult decisions than I've ever made before -- in essence, what I'm doing now will affect the rest of my life.

So what all is going on?

Work has become really difficult lately. Not the patients... the company. In one week I had to write an incident report for my driver at a supervisor's request, had to write an incident report for myself after Dispatch used me as a scapegoat so they wouldn't get in trouble (nothing's come of that report, so I assume my factual and plain description of the events clearly showed I wasn't to blame), almost had to write an incident report after a woman from a PET team got upset at our response time (We came when we got the call; Dispatch didn't give it out for an hour or so... supervisor decided we weren't involved and so we got off the hook), and got written up for showing up to work with my uniform shirt untucked. Yeah... just simply being at station, before going out to the rig, gathering my paperwork and clocking in. Fun stuff. Actually, the ridiculous write-up trend appears to be starting once again... several of my co-workers have been written up for strange things recently... one even got suspended. But it's a job, and I'm glad to have it, despite all of the workplace drama. Am I going to stay forever? No. I did some job searching the other day, and may try to cultivate a few opportunities, but for the most part, I think I'm just going to tough it out until I can reliably earn enough money in some other way to remain solvent. (And no, I'm not going to give the company name, although those of you who know me might know it. Partly to keep me out of trouble and partly because my coworkers and I do provide competent patient care, and I don't want the general issues everyone is having with the company to affect peoples' willingness to use us when we're needed.)

I finally picked up a second permanent shift for this shift bid cycle, so I have a guaranteed $420/pay period (subtract taxes) entering my bank account. Sometimes I'm given more shifts than that, or pick up a shift -- my next paycheck should be really pretty -- so I'm doing pretty well, given that my expenses are decently low per month.

Not to say I'm hoarding money. I'm going to be shelling out a decent amount of money next month for two short but very well-deserved vacations. And I might end up spending about a month's pay on an educational opportunity, which I'll talk about later.

School is stressful, as I expected. I managed to NOT get an F in Biology... I got very, very close, though. That kind of killed my GPA, but I believe it'll be enough to where I don't have to retake it and will be on track to graduation. I should be more upset, honestly, but I did try hard, and I do feel like I learned a lot. I was right on average in the lab section; it was just the lecture exams that escaped my understanding. Ah well.

I'm also currently battling with my TO professor to change my grade. You see, I got an A-, but he dropped it to a B because I had three unexcused absences above the maximum limit. Those three...? The midwifery conference he said would be excused. So I'm trying to change it, if possible, because I really do believe the drop to be undeserved.

I'm trying to find a way to work with a local midwife on research for a class this upcoming fall semester. It's hard, because we have to basically jump through loopholes and take risks to get me the ability to study something I'm interested in, but I'm determined to make it work. I'm meeting with her tomorrow to see what, if anything, we can figure out. Also, if I can get USC to somehow foot the bill, I'm hoping to go to Germany for a week for a Midwifery Today conference this October. No idea if it's possible... but it is a dream of mine.

In about a month, I start my summer courses. I'm taking calculus, so I need to swing by a bookstore and grab a serious math review book or something similar. I haven't touched anything truly math-related since high school... I've forgotten a ton. I'm also going to be taking a child psychology course -- not my first choice at all (I wanted Spanish or something online), but I needed the units, and it is something I'll actually enjoy somewhat. I'm also going to need to study Spanish on my own this summer due to my inability to secure the course I needed, so that I can take the placement exam this fall and test into at least Spanish III but hopefully out of the requirement altogether. I'm getting so close to being able to graduate at my scheduled time... just have to get through this summer and the placement test successfully, and then get all the classes I need for spring! If that doesn't pan out, I'll only have to spend an additional semester as a part-timer, but I would of course love to avoid the additional (HUGE!!!) expense.

With my college career so close to being over, I'm starting to actively pursue my future career. I'm staying away from grad school from now, but who knows what the future will bring. I know I want to be a midwife, but I also think it would be really interesting to do some sort of research in the field. I am also thinking about getting an eventual Master of Public Health. Perhaps my future career/educational midwifery goals will look something like this: CPM (midwifery degree), MPH, midwifery PhD. Time will tell; I do know that I love education when I am interested in it, and so if I have the funds, it might be something interesting to pursue.

Speaking of education... as of late, I have seriously considered becoming a Childbirth Educator. I see several benefits to this: 1. I would learn, in detail, all of the research associated with childbirth, and would be able to use that to form my beliefs to become the best evidence-based midwife I can be. 2. My hours would be secure, which would be great for right now while finishing my undergraduate education and transitioning to life as a working woman, where I'll need to make end's meet. I would be able to hold down more than one job (EMT and childbirth educator, for instance) without having to worry about the uncertain on-call hours of a midwife/student midwife. 3. Once I'm making a steady enough income with childbirth educating, I could drop the EMT job and focus on being a student midwife -- perhaps offer my skills to my preceptor's clients, etc. 4. Childbirth education is a GREAT way to get new midwifery or doula/monitrice clients. 5. If I want to spend more time at home with my (future) children, I could take on more childbirth educator clients and less midwifery clients -- much more stable hours, and much easier to take my infant to work if necessary. 6. I already educate pretty much everyone I come across about the benefits of intervention-free birth, and enjoy it thoroughly, so why not learn even more and maybe even get paid for it?

To get me started, it would probably cost about a month's worth of my pay. It seems like a lot to me, but it's within my means. In fact, if I simply picked up one extra shift per week (assuming I only get my two guaranteed shifts), I could have it paid for in two months -- and honestly, my savings account already has more than enough money to pay for the classes and beyond. I'm pretty certain I'm going to go through Lamaze International, and then certify with the International Childbirth Education Association as soon as I have the time and money.

I have yet to talk to Nate about this, but I'm hoping to do so tomorrow.

As for Nate... he's currently stuck in a bit of a rut in regards to his future career. He's decided that physical therapy is the route he most definitely wants to take, but beyond that, he is unsure of how to get there. That's something I'm going to help him with over the next few weeks -- figuring out his next steps.

If he stays near Simi, Kelli and I are thinking about getting an apartment together starting next summer. Living at home this summer has quickly taught me that (for the sake of my mental health) I need to avoid moving back home again if at all possible.

I'm admittedly really, REALLY stressed out about everything going on in my life right now. It will all get figured out... I just need to keep taking small steps forward. I find that when I ignore the future (even for super reasonable reasons, like finishing finals and moving out of the apartment), things that seemed doable are suddenly seemingly insurmountable. *sigh* I just need to develop my midwifery support network and keep moving forward. Nothing is possible if I refuse to believe in myself.

Welcome to my life....